Some days I feel better about this blogging process than others. Sometimes it feels awkward and revealing. Other times, it is honest and empowering. I can say that so far, my experience with the blog has given me a feeling of being grounded. A feeling that I am doing something during this strange time in my life. I had taken some time ‘off’ from the business planning to enjoy the holiday weekend and try to sense what my opportunities feel like. Overall, I feel like I have the opportunity to embrace myself and share that with others. I have the opportunity to make connections in my small community, in which I still feel so very new. I am looking forward to both of those.
Every time I share myself a little bit more with others, I come to like myself better. That is a good thing! As I shared my efforts to renew and nurture my creativity, a friend recommended Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It has been an interesting read. I loved that Cameron reminds us,
We want to be great— immediately great— but that is not how recovery works. It is an awkward, tentative, even embarrassing process. There will be many times when we won’t look good— to ourselves or anyone else. We need to stop demanding that we do. It is impossible to get better and look good at the same time.
So I have begun the process of creative recovery. This week, I will be working on “Recovering a Sense of Safety.” It seems appropriate. After all, it is difficult to be at one’s creative best when overcome by fear. For people, who like myself, learned to thrive in a world based on unpredictability, I suppose it could be an onerous and ongoing process. My tasks for this week include:
- Get up early everyday to write my morning pages. This is three pages of stream of conscious writing, straight out of bed. Now if only I had a coffee maker at my bedside.
- Take myself on an artist date. We are planning on going to Bismarck this weekend, so I might be able to take myself out for a real treat.
- List three old enemies of my creative self-worth. Seriously!? Only three? These three delightful influences will be the beginning of my monster hall of fame.
- Select and write out one horror story from my monster hall of fame. This could get ugly…
- Write a “letter to the editor” in my own defense and mail it to myself. I expect to get kind of childish with this one. Good thing we have lots of crayons and construction paper around the house.
- List three old champions of my creative self-worth. Seriously!? Only three? I don’t think I ever would have survived had I not had such a wonderful sixth grade teacher! There are plenty other heroes who will be going into my hall of champions.
- Select from the hall of champions a happy piece of encouragement and write a thank you letter. Mail it to myself or my long lost mentor. This seems like a good reason to send a sappy letter to someone I haven’t talked to in 20 years… I hope its not too shocking to hear from me.
- Imagine five other versions of my possible paths in life. Then go live out a little slice of one. Hmmm… this one will take some thought and feels a little strange.
- For every negative criticism I give myself, turn it into a positive affirmation. For example, I hear my inner critic say “Stop this silly stuff and go talk to your husband.” I turned that into “I can communicate with reason and play with nonsense.” Yay for a little nonsense!
- Take my inner artist for a brisk 20 minute walk to take a good look at the world around. *Sigh* that sounds lovely!
So, that’s what I’ll be up to over the course of the next week as I get back involved with thinking seriously about my next steps to opening that awesome bookstore/gift shop/craft supply store!